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| Two nights ago my mom totally flipped on me. I don't even remember what it was about. She just started yelling for no reason. As usual, she's trying to control my life. Saying I'm not allowed to associate with the two people I have been, namely Mikey and Alex. She told me to call Mikey and basically break up with him by saying "I deserve better." She wants me to marry HER idea of a dream guy. What about what I want? Does this man she wants me to be with even exist? I don't think so.
She tried to forbid me from calling them on the phone. "GIVE ME THE PHONE." I had to remind her that she isn't the one paying for the phone service. Mikey is. And she is trying to prevent me from talking to him via the service he is paying for? Seriously? Give me a break.
This started at 9pm that night. I had to go to work at 6am the next morning. So when she left my room at one point, I locked the door in an attempt to go to sleep. It was probably around 11:45 to midnight by this point. Well apparently she wasn't done with me. So when she found out I had locked the door to my room, she went berserk. She started screaming at the top of her lungs and banging on my door. I thought she was going to break it. I kept insisting that we talk about it the following morning, but she wasn't having any of that. She kept telling me to leave, get out. Should I even bother to remind her that I am solely paying for all her bills and other living expenses? She threatens to call the cops. I know she doesn't mean any of these threats, but she still doesn't stop so I figure, I guess I need to sleep somewhere else tonight.
So I call Mikey, it's around 12:30 at this point. I ask him if he can come get me. He wakes up his dad. They are on their way. I tell her I'm leaving. Suddenly she panics. She begs me to open the door. I tell her no, I'm afraid of her. "I'm hurt" she says. I'm scared she's done something to herself. I open the door. She starts to beg me to stay. She thinks I'll never come back. I explain they are already on their way and I am going. It's only for one night, I try to reassure her. She begs and begs. I can't stand the thought of having them come here for nothing. I insist on going. Then she says, "I've been there for you for 23 years, and you're going to leave me when I need you the most." I can't believe she's doing this to me. I tell Mikey I'm just going to stay. I don't care where I sleep as long as I can sleep. He doesn't want me to. Finally he asks if I can at least come outside for a moment. Of course he is worried sick about me. I agree.
I go outside, latch onto him, start to whimper. He does what he can to comfort me. My mom comes outside. I am horrified. "No go back inside!" I tell Mikey, "Don't say anything to her, please. Don't talk to her. Please. Please don't. Please." She walks past, goes towards his dad in the car. "No, don't go over there! Stop! Don't!" I become hysterical. Can't breathe. He tells her not to start anything with him or he will call the cops. He's pissed, doesn't want to deal with her.
Afterward I went to sleep. And I'm going to do that now... I can't finish. Zzz.
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| He should hate me. I fight off tears at work all day. When I get home that day, there is a bouquet of flowers on my doorstep.
"No matter what,
I always love you.
~Mike"
I breakdown. I call him. I'm at my lowest of lows. I want to disappear. I've hurt everyone. I agree to see him tonight.
My mom drops me off at the mall. Mikey's cut his hair. It's short and spikey. "I wanted it to look like when we first met." We go to the Macaroni Grill. I pull out my wallet, show him my ID. "If you wanted to.. I thought... we could celebrate the new us."
"You're scaring me, in a good way."
I get carded for my first alcoholic beverage. No, it's not the first one I drank, but it's the first since my first one when I was 16/17. It's disgusting, but I manage to drink half of it.
Mikey looks at me, "My mom wants to take us somewhere. I don't know where, probably a movie. She also needs to apply for a job at the hospital in Manteca.
We drive over there, turn into the parking lot. Nostalgia completely blankets me. This is where it all began. Mikey's grandmother was in the hospital. I went there everyday to support my friend, Mikey. Feelings got stronger. He gets on his knees. "Woa, are you asking me to marry you?" Laugh. "April Thompson, will you be my girlfriend?" Yes, yes..
It has been over six years, and we are back. He steps out of the car, holds his hand out to me. "Come on." .... "Wait, what are we doing here...?" I start to feel somewhat nervous. This isn't right. His mom isn't applying for a job here, tonight... I start to get a feeling of what is coming.
We walk. Sit down on a bench. "Do you remember this spot?" I look around, can't think. "This is where you asked me out?" He stands, gets on his knees. Pulls the rings out of his pocket. "April Thompson, will you marry me?" I look at the rings, look at him. "Yes." Hug. "Of course."
We walk back. I don't know what I am feeling. I've known my answer for years now, but I can't believe it. It's the new us now. We both want to better ourselves. Fresh start. Serious business.
Have to tell my mom. You have to come with me. "She will flip out." "No, she won't. It will be fine."
She flips. She verbally assaults Mikey. Accuses him of things. He doesn't say much, tries to defend himself. "I never said that." She doesn't listen. She never listens. She's not been on her meds. Doesn't matter, she's crazy regardless. It goes on for an hour. She doesn't stop. Finally they leave.
It's midnight. I want to go to sleep. I already haven't been sleeping much. I have to wake up at 5am. She yells at me for another hour. She says all kinds of ridiculous things.
You don't love me. You're just using me. He's turned you against me. You never defend me. Fuck you, bitch. He wants you to leave me homeless, and you will.
Mom, no I won't. No one said that.
You little bitch. He thinks he can take care of you. He thinks he's going to take care of you now. Fine, I'll take you to work tomorrow, but after that it's up to him to get you to work. He wants to take care of you, I'd like to see him try.
Mom, he never said that. I'm tired.
You hate me. You haven't loved me for years. That's it, I'm done. I love you but I have no affection for you.
Mom, I'm tired. I need to sleep. Go away.
You're just going to go ruin your life and mine. I don't even want to keep this house anymore. I'm going to go away. Or maybe you should leave. Go live with Mikey. Or go live with his mother. I don't have any children who care about me.
Please mom. I'm tired.
Troubled sleep. Can hardly wake up the next morning. I'm so tired. But I need to get up... I have to leave in less than 10 minutes. Mom busts in. "I'm going to the store, bye." Moan. Oh god. She's still like this... "I'm getting up. Let me get dressed."
"No, I'm not taking you late. I'm going to the store, I'll be back in a little while."
She has no intention of going to the store, but she's making me more late. She yells at me the whole way, drives 10 mph below the speed limit.
I'm 2 minutes late for work. I would have been on time. I'm on the verge of tears. Again. All day. I'm wearing an engagement ring. It is beautiful. I love Mikey, I'm happy about it. But, I'm not happy. She ruined it. I don't show anyone my ring. I don't want people to be happy for me because I can't be happy. I only show it to Alex, but that is different. He already knows everything. He heard some of mom's screaming over the phone. "So, it's official," he says. What a subdued feeling we have.
Even though things are so ruined, I know I have to tell everyone important to me. I look at my MSN friend list. Everyone is blocked except two people. I've really cut myself off from everyone. I see my ex-boyfriend, Adam, is online. Unblock. I tell all. "Sounds like you need a hug. I can pick you up from work tomorrow." I didn't even know he was in California. Last I heard from him he moved away. I can never remember what state he goes to. Ohio? Anyways, that sounds just fine to me. I'm sick of not bothering to keep in touch with old friends. I don't care what you say, Adam's been a good friend to me. He's not perfect but neither are you. He's been there for me, you should thank him.
So I'm just getting off work. I see Adam in the lobby. Run over, big hug. Great to see you again. He takes me to my house. I change, he says hi to mom. We go to the mall, not much to do. Talk a bit, walk around. Laugh. Feels good. He takes me to the shop (Mikey's job). He and Mikey shake hands, talk. Adam leaves.
Movie time soon. George, my coworker planned it. "Want to see Star Trek on Friday?" Two of Mikey's friends are going. Matt and Wiendl. Wiendl is his last name. Like Cabigas is Cabigas' last name. Wiendl sounds Welsh to me, but I never asked him where his name is from. George doesn't answer his cell. I leave a message, he never calls back. I call my other coworker, Josh. He has to work at 4am, so he doesn't really want to go.
Just 4 of us. Mikey, Matt, Weindl, and myself. We walk to the theater. Get our tickets for Star Trek in IMAX. The IMAX here in Stockton can hardly be called IMAX. The screen isnt bigger than the others, it's just HD. 15 dollars for that "IMAX".
Okay now, who has seen the Star Trek movie yet? Anyone? I'm not much of a Star Trek fan myself. My dad was. He watched "The Next Generation" a lot when I was little. I saw it sometimes too, but that was a long time ago. I'm well familiar with the movie "First Contact" but other than that, my Star Trek knowledge is pretty limited. More of a Star Wars fan, myself. That movie, though, was awesome. I think I could have appreciated it more if I knew more about the original Star Trek series, but yeah.. It was awesome. Go see it.
Overall I'm pretty happy. Sometimes I hang out with Mikey and his friends, Sil, Matt, Wiendl. But as for myself, I never really had friends of my own in Stockton. Yeah, there was Shunay, but I don't really have much in common with her. And when my mom did not allow me to associate with her anymore, I didn't really feel like trying to renew that friendship after things cooled off. As for the people from Franklin, Eddie, Cabigas, Adam... The only one I really consider a friend is Adam, but even so, I've never talked/hung out with him much.
Now at work I have a few friends, that are just mine, and see me as myself and not as "Mikey's girlfriend".
There are three.
First is Alex. He's so sweet and makes me laugh. We've become unbelievably close in a short time. He can hang out at my house all day and we have a fun time playing games and looking up stupid things online. He's one of my best friends.
Next is George. George is actually older than I am, whereas Alex and Josh are a few years younger. George is 30, but he looks and acts young. Still, he has a maturity about him that the other two don't have. He comes across to me as a very caring person. And he loves to travel and go places. He kind of started this whole thing where I hang out with people at work outside of work. Well, we only did that once at the Asparagas Festival recently, since Star Trek fell through as far as my friends go.
Lastly is Josh. Josh is a really fun guy to work with, but he is by far the most immature of them all. He and his girlfriend fight/are mad/breaking up constantly over I don't know what. He talks back to managers at work when he feels like it. I'm not as close to him as the other two, but he really makes me laugh.
So there you go. I have friends now. Woot, go me.
I am just so glad I have Mikey. He really is and always will be my best friend. We get along great. He's so caring and understanding. I can tell him anything and he won't love me any less. He does so much for me. I honestly don't think I deserve his love, but I'm not complaining. We get along great and enjoy eachother's company like mad. I've loved him for a long time. I can't imagine ever being without him.
Thank you Mikey.
I'll be trying to update this. I'll try not to make my entries as long as this one, but moderately long. Love you guys.
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| Dear Ajoni,
Dear Eric,
Dear Michelle,
Dear Mai,
Dear Billy,
Dear Nicki,
Dear Chris,
Dear Daryl,
Dear Greg,
Dear everyone,
I am engaged. My mom is making my life a living hell about it. I love you all dearly. 209 462 6852.
Edit: Oh by the way... There's no date or month or vague idea. It's just slightly more official now that we are going to be married sometime in the future. But yeah. -party-
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| I think Eric and Mai need a deviantart account for their photography/digital artwork. I think anyone else who does any sort of art needs a deviantart as well. I'm about to go on an uploading spree of art I did Freshman/Sophomore year on mine. Wewt.
If you make one post link in reply so I can add you.
http://niji-only.deviantart.com/
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| Man, music in the 90's was so good, wasn't it?
Third Eye Blind anyone?
Bare Naked Ladies?
Tal Bachman?
Presidents of the United States!
I dunno. Not into much new music lately. Or am I just not hearing the right stuff?
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